Slow and Steady

Determination, a photo by royalwin on Flickr.

Thank you for teaching me patience and that it is okay to be slow. What is more important is that we reach the goal.

Lessons learnt from walking the labyrinth

In A Whole New Mind, Daniel Pink tickled my fancy when he discussed the differences between mazes and labyrinths. A maze is a series of compartmentalized and confusing paths, most of which lead to dead ends. When you enter, the objective is to escape as quickly as you can. A labyrinth, on the other hand is a spiral walking course. When you enter the goal is to follow the path to the center, stop, turn around, and walk back out all at whatever pace you choose. Mazes are analytical puzzles to be solved; labyrinths are a form of moving meditation. Most importantly, the key difference between the two is that how mazes engage the left brain while labyrinths free the right brain.

Since reading the book I have been intrigued and curious to experience this for myself. Fast forward to 2 years later, I finally had the opportunity to test it out by visiting a lovely outdoor labyrinth at Mercy Center in Burlingame, CA.





I began my labyrinth walk after reading the instructions. Essentially, the most important point is to keep to the path from the beginning to the end. Go at a pace that one is comfortable with. I decided to go as slowly as I can manage. There was nothing transcendent about it at first, it was pretty much like walking on any other path. In fact it felt as if I was simply walking in a circle which was a little strange. The surprise came knocking when I became aware that I had been through a particular path since it felt familiar. However that cannot possibly be true because I had been walking. By definition, it means I'd moved. This teaches me that there will be time in life when I feel as though I am not making progress when in fact I have. I must not focus and trust my feelings alone. As long as I'm walking, there is progress. Perhaps not the progress that I desire but progress nonetheless.

There were also times when instead of heading towards the destination, the path brought me away from it. Again, this was counter-intuitive since the goal was to arrive at the destination rather creating distance between where I was and the endpoint. Leaving that thought I pressed on, following the path as it led me; trusting the path rather than my rational thought. At some point calmness took over. Along with it comfort and trust came too as I decided to let go of the mental chatter and just follow, knowing that it will bring me to the end. That seems to be the "escape for the right brain" that Pink talked about. Interestingly when it was least expected, I reached the center of the labyrinth. What an experience! A simple exercise that is rich with life lessons. Amazing.

To summarize, these are the lessons that came to me.
1. Before starting on a journey (literal or metaphorical), I need to be clear of my destination.
2. As long as I keep walking, I am making progress and I will reach the goal.
3. Don't trust what I see. Even if it seems or feels wrong, suspend judgment, keep the openness and trust the path.
4. To get to the goal, I may have to walk back and forth several times. This is part of the process. It does not reflect my competence. Neither does it necessarily mean that I am backpedaling.
5. Focus on the goal (the center of the labyrinth) as I walk. With eyes fixed on the prize it is easier to keep walking and ignore the nagging and discouraging voices that try to confuse me.
6. When I'm in the flow I don't feel the burden and when I least expect it I have arrived at the destination.
7. The journey to the goal is not always linear.

"The labyrinth is viewed as a metaphor for life's journey. It offers lessons as we walk the path. Walking the labyrinth can assist us to address challenges. Meditate. Pray and find peace and serenity."

Have you experienced something similar before? I'd love to hear your experience or any comment on this post for that matter.

If you find this meaningful and useful, please feel free to share with your friends and loved ones.

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Inspirational: Nick Vujicic

Are you gonna finish strong?

Movie: The faulty yellow bus

I love Little Miss Sunshine. It is a show that strikes a deep cord and brings to foreground what is easily forgotten; that every person is unique, important and special.

Two quotes that I wanna remember from the film:

..all those years he suffered, those were the best of his life 'cause they made him who he was. All the years he was happy? Total waste. He didn't learn anything...

...Y'know what a loser is? A real loser is somebody who's so afraid of not winning, they don't even try.


Interestingly, these nuggets of wisdom were dished out by the supposed losers. First was by Uncle Frank - the guy who was sacked from his job, whose gay boyfriend deserted him and eventually he attempted suicide. Even then he failed his attempt. What could be more loserly than that? Yet, he had the wisdom and strength within him and when situation presented itself he rose to the occasion and provided the support and encouragement that his nephew needed.

Second quote was by the grandfather, a drug addict who was kicked out of the home because he was foulmouthed and often behaved inappropriately. Yet he loved his family. Olive, the granddaughter was afraid to be a loser and that was what her grandfather shared with her.

What i love about the show is how everyone came together and how much they loved the family despite their dysfunctions. From the perspective of the society they do fit the loser definition and yet they are winners in so many ways.

I feel that each of us has our own dysfunction. With that we also have our strength and wisdom. No one is perfect and it's so just tiring to chase after perfection. I always believe that no one is too rich to receive and too impoverished to give. And i don't mean it just materially. I've learned so much from patients whom I've worked with. One may ask since their lives are in such a mess, what can they offer me that I don't already know? Well, plenty. For one I'm amazed at how they struggle to pick up their lives, how brave they are in trying to make amends to those whom they have hurt, how they try to lift their heads up again to a society that doesn't quite understand and trust them. That's tough.

I've always been fortunate with my lot. I've received a good education, smart enough, people are okay with me and some are even fond of me. I'm not rich but i don't have to worry about not having enough. I was not the most popular in school but i wasn't the one who got bullied either. I have enough friends whom i know will be there for me. My family is far from perfect but I still have them and their love and support. Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine how it's like to be the marginalised and the outcast. From my patients' experiences i learned how blessed I am to not have to go through those feelings.

I love movies, books and plays that make me think; that provide me with snapshots of what i don't experience in my own life. Stories that are not perfect yet reflective of life. Stories that provide hope for the losers, the odd one out, the too late too little. Little Miss Sunshine certainly does all that for me.

Go watch it if you need a great dose of laughter and tears.

Lessons from Cirque Du Soleil

I am a huge fan of Cirque Du Soleil. My very first experience with Cirque was via Quidam back in 2005. I was totally blown away and mesmerized by the mind-blowing performances. Since then my husband and I make it a point to watch Cirque's production whenever the opportunity presents itself. Our all-time favourite is KA :)


We went for our most recent adventure with Cirque via Ovo and once again I was reminded of why I love their performances so much. Other than the jaw-dropping acrobatics and outrageously beautiful costumes and sets, I draw great lessons and inspiration from the show. It is incredible how the performers use their bodies to sculpts stories, to carve ideas out of thin air in order to evoke the audience's emotions. Simply astounding.

When I shared my thoughts with my husband, he told me about Cirque du Soleil: The Spark - Igniting the Creative Fire that Lives within Us All. The next day, I was thrilled to find the book on the shelf waiting for me to devour it. Devoured it I did, most definitely. It was written in a form of a story to demonstrate the work ethics and passion of all those who are involved in the production of Cirque's performances. Engaging and inspiring, I managed to pick up important life lessons from the book.

• Passion is the key to everything we do.
  
• Learn to take the right risks that will allow you to fulfill your vision.
  
• Our fears hold us back, make us fall short of our goals. Only by taking risks can we hope to accomplish the extraordinary.
  
• You are never trapped in life. When you realize that, you find you're free to accomplish incredible things.
  
• You have to be confident enough to let your imagination spin off in all kinds of directions. And if you really want to make things happen, you have to be willing to crash.
  
• Risk-taking is inevitable in life – not just the big risks but the small chances you take every day that give your life a sense of excitement, of possibility.
  
• It is never my failures that I regret, it's the things I pass up because I am too scared, too safe.
  
• If you want to live fully, you have to trust.
  

After reading the book, I am even more in awe and inspired by the incredible work that they do in igniting that "spark" that we all need in our lives.

"This is what Cirque is about. We transform the dull and ordinary into something special and memorable, something that touches people's lives. All of us have that power no matter what we do."

Great stuff! I highly recommend the book especially if you are a fan of Cirque.

10 Lessons to transform your marriage

Marriage is a lot of hard work. In all the fairy tales, the ending is always so sweet and happy. One can't help but wish that her own marriage is like a fairy tale too. Alas that is not the case for many. Thankfully there are plenty of books written for this important topic. Recently I was fortunate enough to attend a conference where John and Julie Gottman from the Gottman Institute were speaking. Impressed with their workshops, I decided to get the book.

The book was well-written and easy to read. The 10 lessons come in 10 case studies where details of the couples and their communication patterns were documented and subsequently corrected by the expert. Hence, for every couple 2 dialogues are presented; one that took place before they were counseled and one that happened after they have heard the advice. Plenty of suggestions and explanations were given as to why certain behaviours and/or communication pattern could be harmful to the relationship.

A host of problems common to marriage were addressed. These are:
1. the stress of caring for a new baby
2. exhaustion from working too hard
3. loss of interest in sex and romance
4. health problems
5. recovering from extramarital affair
6. struggles with depression
7. arguments over housework and finances
8. changes that come with retirement
9. the loss of a job, identity, or a lifelong dream.

What I like about the book is that it is pragmatic and at the end of each chapter there are exercises that one can do to enhance the learning experience. These exercises provide the starting point for couples to dialogue and discover more about each other.

Is clutter running your life?

Enough Already! Clearing Mental Clutter to Become the Best You is not just about decluttering the space around you. Instead in the book, Peter Walsh takes the readers beyond the physical clutter in the home. He believes that the homes, our heads, our hearts and our hips are intimately interconnected. The book sets to tackle the clutter that fills the head and impedes the different areas of one's life namely relationships, work, family, money, health and our sense of well-being.

In all the different areas, the first step to declutter is always to ask yourself the important question - what is the vision you have for the life you want? With that as a starting point, it sets the direction for your effort in decluttering in different areas of your life. To ensure that your change is long-lasting you need to put in 3 key ingredients - clarity, self-awareness and commitment to change.

Whether it is relationship or work or money, there are similarities in the process. Always start with the vision. Then clear the clutter of unreal expectations and watch out for obstacles. He always ends the chapter with a summary and how you can deal with the actual stuff that occupies the space and provide tips on them. On the whole, the book is informative, useful and well-organized (we shouldn't expect less for Mr Organization himself!).

I took away lots of learning points and the following is the most important of all:

Do the best you can with what you have, accept weaknesses and find ways to work around them. Give your love in all its imperfection.

18th July 2009

Another anniversary is here since that fateful day when I decided to go ahead with the first of 2 surgeries to treat a rare illness. 2 years on and I am pleased to share that I am doing very well, I've been asymptomatic and my quality of life has improved tremendously :)

I was reading the journal that I kept during those difficult period and I am impressed with what I wrote in there. The conviction and faith that I had in God was astounding. I almost don't recognize that person. Truly, it was through God's grace that I was able to go through all that I had to - pre and post surgeries.

An excerpt of what I wrote:

I want to remember the feeling - being at peace, cheerful and hopeful. There are lots of things for me to worry about and I could potentially be immobilized by fear. I'm going to take a different strategy- I'd stare fear in the eye. I will deal with it with faith. It's tough but I know I can do it with God's blessing and support from all round. 18 June 07

Who is that person??

I am truly blessed because grace, courage and wisdom came to me when I needed them most. That's the only explanation I can offer as to how I was able to cope with everything. As I have shared earlier I suffered a stroke after my second op on 17 September 07. As a result I lost the ability to read, write, recall, text, tell the time, use the mobile phone and other simple functions that I took for granted. I could only write or type simple sentences and even then it took me a great deal of effort and time.



Samples of my handwriting at different stages of recovery - 5-days, 12-days and 7.5 months post-op.

It may not be the politically-correct thing to say but I am grateful that I had the chance to go through what I did. In many ways my illness has shaped and molded me into a better and more mature person. I discovered my own strength- what I am made of. Never in my life did I expect myself to be calm and cheerful in the face of trials and tribulations. Through the experience I was/am reminded that I must not take my life and health for granted. Being ill allowed me to appreciate being cared for. I had lots of people praying and rallying for me and in some ways it was a testimony to the kind of person that I am. I was validated as many people wanted only the best for me and they came in full force to tell me that. That was a great feeling - knowing that you are loved. I believe after being through a recovery process myself it will make me a better (and more credible) clinician and listener.

I am really grateful to my wonderful surgeon and his team - staff who went the extra mile to make me feel more comfortable when I felt most vulnerable. My husband who stood by me every step of the way and being my pillar of strength; my sister and mom who took great care of me; good friends who showed their kindness and generosity; acquaintances and strangers who prayed for the success of the surgeries and speedy recovery. I will always remember the kindness shown to me. Thank you!

My hope is that my story will inspire you to live your life courageously and know that you are stronger and more resilient than you think. Seemingly "bad" situations can turn out to be opportunities for growth and learning if you choose to let go. Somehow when we feel like we have reached the limits we will discover that we can still extend the limits. And grace will find us and give us the special boost to get through life. Trust the process.

Grace expands our intellect by endowing us with intuitive wisdom. Grace expands our will by giving us strength or courage we did not have before.

I'm happy to share more of my experiences so feel free to email me if you want to know more :)

What I Know For Sure

Change is the only constant as they say. Things change all the time and it is not always easy to deal with them. Is there anything that we can hold on to in the midst of storms and rain?

After reading The Top 20 Things Oprah Knows for Sure I was inspired to think about my own list.

1. There is a Higher Power much greater than I.
2. Life is full of surprises.
3. No one is too rich to receive and too poor to give.
4. This too shall pass.
5. The desert spares nobody. Dark nights eventually find us all.
6. Marriage is like a plant and it requires constant work and nurturing.
7. Friends especially girlfriends are angels in disguise.
8. Where there is a will, there's a way.
9. Not all battles are worth fighting.
10. Human being is adaptable, resilient and stronger than he/she thinks.
11. Change begins with me.
12. The best is yet to be.
13. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
14. Every day brings a chance to start over.
15. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth.
16. You reap what you sow.
17. There is a time and place for everything.
18. Seek first the Kingdom of God and all the rest will fall in line.
19. Charity begins at home
20. The attitude of gratitude can help you get through tough times.

The one on suffering

I read the article on suffering by a Catholic priest, Father Ronald Rolheiser and it struck a chord. I found it comforting and meaningful and it is something that I would like to keep in mind. I hope you draw strength from it too. Here are some excerpts:

"Lost is a place too...being down-and-out, alone, lost, struggling for meaning, and looking bad, is also a valid place to be."

I've always considered myself independent and capable of handling my life. Naturally I don't like the feeling of being lost. It gives me lots of anxiety and frustration. I think most people feel the same way. This is a nice reminder that being lost is a valid place to be and as long as I recognise this, it will help me ride through my own insecurities and anxieties. We often forget that suffering is the flip side of joy.

"..this is a good place to be, a biblical and mystical place. that doesn't make it less painful or humiliating. It just gives you the consolation of knowing that you're in a valid place, a necessary one, and that everyone before you, spent some time there and everyone, including all those people who seem to be forever on top of the world, will spend some time there too. The desert spares nobody. Dark nights eventually find us all."

"knowing this doesn't make it easier to accept feeling lost and on the outside, especially in a world in which being successful is everything. That is why it's hard to ever admit, even to our closest friends, that we're struggling, tasting more ashes than glory."

"...inside that place, our souls are being shaped in ways we cannot understand but in ways that will stretch and widen them for a deeper love and happiness in the future.

"Beauty is ultimately more about the size of our hearts, about how much they can empathise, and about how widely and unselfishly they can embrace. To that end, the desert heat of loneliness is helpful in softening the heart, enough at least to let it be painfully stretched. That happens more easily when we're lost, feeling like unanimity-minus-one, unsure of ourselves, empty of consolation, aching in frustration, and running a psychic temperature. Not pleasant but it's a place too.